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New here

Angelharts started this conversation
Mar 9, 2010

Hello Everyone,

I am new here, and like everyone else I am struggling to make ends meet. I have been married almost 22 years and have 4 children. We have lost pretty much everything. My wedding rings have been pawned, my rental home gone, and what little I have left is $in a storage unit with back rent owed on it. My kids and I live with my mother and sister at the moment. If it wasn't for them I would be in a shelter at this very moment. My husband, whom I love very much, doesn't live with us here. It is an uncomfortable situation living with my family and there is basically no room. Shelter was offered to me and the children but not my spouse. He is a hard working man that has always taken care of his family. We lost everything when the realestate market dropped. We have always lived on commision for home sales and when nothing started selling, we had no income. After literally 100's of applications, and dozens of interviews we are fast finding they concider my husband over qualified, or under qualified for just about every job he has applied or interviewed for. Today we were waiting for a response for a job, but just found out they chose someone else. I am thankful for my children and the shelter, and food we have. I am humbled by this whole experience. I believe it is love and faith that is seeing me through this rough patch right now. The only thing that breaks my heart sometimes is when I can not give something for my children. Tonight my daughter wanted to sign up for band, it broke my heart when I told her we cannot this year. I had made an appt. to sign her up, only to get the registration and discover just to get her in the door it was $115. $65 for required summer school and $50 for required software. All this without even the cost of an flute factored in. I was in band for 9 years and don't rememeber such fees. I don't want to complain or feel bad, but only at times like this it does break my heart and is extrememly embarassing when other parents ask why she isn't enrolling. We always come up with some excuse, or reason why we don't do something at the moment, and then having to tell your child "don't tell them you don't have the money, just tell them you decided not to do it right now." I feel bad for her. Me, it doesn't matter. I'm fine, I have all I need. I just hate being in this situation at this time in my life, but I believe I am here for a reason. I will learn a lesson from all this and use it to further my soul and enrich my life as time goes by. 

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Rosie327
Mar 12, 2010
 in response to Angelharts...   Good for you!  I also had little ones, one with special needs, so daycare was out of the question. Even now it seems like one of them always has some bizarre holiday off from school or is home sick, so I work nights and weekends in addition to my home-based biz and tag-team with hubby.
reply to Rosie327
Starshine
Mar 11, 2010

Hi Angelharts-

You are a strong positive woman in these hard times and your children I am sure are proud of you and your husband even in the difficult times. Your children know you both love and care for them. I hope your husband can find a job soon. And that is great you have started a job on the side and I sure it will turn into something wonderful for your family. Can you get any temporary cash assistance in your state ? Call 211 to see if you can.

Wishing you the best and Rosie327 being a mom herself had a lot of great ideas for your family.

Take care 

Starshine

reply to Starshine
Angelharts
Mar 11, 2010
 in response to Macker...   Yes I definately believe in staying positive. I think sometimes life happens not the way we want it too, but it does make us stronger and definately builds character. I'm not a quitter and never have been. I had a teacher in school that to this day I love dearly. He would always say, when people would complain that "it ain't fair' He would say.. " get used to it, life isn't fair, that isn't the problem, it's what are you going to do about it."  I will figure this out, and when I look back I will remember where I came from, and be proud.
reply to Angelharts
Angelharts
Mar 11, 2010
 in response to Rosie327...   Yes I believe we will get through it. I guess it just depends on the day when it comes to being embarassed. Sometimes I am, other times I really don't care what people think anymore. I guess I really am not as embarasssed, but feel bad for hubby. He is doing the best he can, and not to be able to provide for his family is very difficult for him. You know some people can be. They imply he isn't doing his best etc... but  I guess in our hearts we know different. So guess I just need to remember that at times :). I don't work anymore because I have a 2 and 3 year old, along with a 11 & 17 yr old. Daycare is too expensive for the little ones, and my car died, so I have no more transportation daily. I did start doing a little business on the side that won't make me rich, but looks like I am going to start making some pretty decent income. So far it's working pretty good, and I'm excited. I expect in a couple months it will help me to get up on my feet. It will pay for all those band and etc things for the kids anyways :). I believe where there is a will there is a way. I am going to find it :).
reply to Angelharts
Rosie327
Mar 11, 2010

I know it is tough and it sounds like you are managing as best you can.  I'm curious, why are you ashamed of your situation?  You did nothing wrong, it is just bad circumstances and you will work ot overcome it.  If having yoru daughter say that you don't have the money embarrasses you then come up with a standard answer you are comfortable with - my mom is saving that money for me to get private lessons, or we are saving for a big vacation.  Maybe your kids can help you earn the extra money by wahsing cars, walking dogs, babysitting, lemonade stand....get them involved and try to make it fun and a learning experience. Do you work?  Also, there are enrichment programs available for free, like at the library, Boys & Girls Clubs of America, your local community or recreation center, museums and much more.  Contact the chamber of commerce for listings and more info.

reply to Rosie327
Macker
Mar 11, 2010

Hi, i read your story, it must be very hard for you to tell your children you havnt got money for them to do the things they want, Im glad to see that you are  posititve person because its that what will  get you through this mess.  Unfortunatly, you and your family are victims of this greed that we have all been ropped into by big businessess, I myself am struggling to pay my mortgage, I survive on 36euros a week to keep a roof over my head. My advice to you is this, i know it works because ive had to do it myself. Stop worrying about what other people think about you because you have no money, just be honest with them and tell them your broke. You,ll find that most people are, but like you are too embarressed to say anything because we are lead to believe that if you dont have money, then you must be stupid or something.  The truth is only a select few in this world are destined to have money, but they will never be trully happy, because these people will always fear that someone will take their money away from them, and fear is what keeps us in check so big business and banks can controll us. Tell your daughter to look up the internet to find a band that will be free to join, or better still, let her start her own band thats free to join, that way anyone who joins will be in the same boat as she is. Stop being embarressed about poverty, i have, and people do understand, well the people that matter, everyone else can get stuffed....You never know, maybe her band will be so good that she,ll make millions and can look after you in the future to pay you back for all you,ve done for her.. If i manage to find the miracle that will make me millions and not cost me anything i will share it with you...   Take care and keep positive.... you are where your meant to be at this time, we,re all here to learn something so keep going and you,ll be ok....xxx

 

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